i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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