The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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