I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
