Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
