a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
