She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
