so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
