so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
