i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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