hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
