Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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