im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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