Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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