no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
