sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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