We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
