The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize