Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
