day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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