also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize