i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
