I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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