see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
