You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
