You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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