Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
