don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
