just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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