kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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