come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
