My Higher Power is John Stamos
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
