is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
