I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
