Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love you. Go after that dick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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