Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wear drunk well.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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