I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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