I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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