then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
