all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
