Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
