No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
