the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
