haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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