That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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