I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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