Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
