so explain again why im purple
no
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
