Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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