Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
