i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
