i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize