Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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