I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
