I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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