One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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