No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
