sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
