I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
