she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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