my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
