I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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