they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
