you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
