this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my being single is dangerous.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
